I began to realize that life is passing by and I still don’t know what I want to do since coming back home from my mission’s trip 3 years ago. Over the last few months I have been doing some thinking about what I want in my future and what it is important for my life.  Since being home, something has been missing in my heart and I didn’t realize what it was until I went to HK and Japan I realized what was missing in my life.  Teaching overseas, the independence of being in a foreign country, being needed or supported for something I had the heart and determination to do when I faced so many obstacles that broke my heart but gave me the strength to continue on.  I had so much passion for something that everything just does not compare anymore.  There is nothing right now to keep me home except the financial responsibility to pay off my student loans and life insurance that should be done in 3 to 4 years.

Going through a little bit of depression, stress and understanding of my situation is that we can never live  a perfect or ideal life because if we do, we endanger ourselves to a point of being too comfortable with our situation and never growing or never realizing that we need to grow.  Reflecting what has happened over the last few months have made me realize that life is not about the petty things in life that just work like a pot hole in life but instead they are reminders that you are human and it is okay to go through these things because it is just another step in life to guide you into the person God wants you to be and it also allows you to help others later on who go through these situations.

I know that God has always been there for me and allowed certain people to come into my life to guide me in to becoming a woman for God’s heart.  I’ve realized that going through all the hardships with other Christians and people allowed me to literally scream to God why me and how does this help me.  Once you understand why certain things happen to you is in my mind the only way you can move on with life and understand life more.  Is my walk like how it was before, no but am I rebuilding yes.  There are times where renovations to your walk need to be done so that your support does not come from others but more on God who is the corner stone to life.

Looking for love is a irrational thing that just does not make sense to me right now.  I see too much hurt in so many relationships that it really scares me from opening my heart to trust someone with it.  Yes I know there are some genuine love stories out there but it just does not suit me right now.  Why is that once a girl hits her 30’s the panic button becomes bigger to press or becomes like the easy button from Staples for parents to use?   I am content with my life of independence but I can’t find the right reasons to settle down because people tell me to or that they want to see me have a family are not logical answers to me. 

For me I cannot commit to anything with my heart wanting to return to Japan to teach and outreach.  I guess that is the stubborn side to me where I have a set dream and I will go for it.  It was funny being in Japan this year, after being away for 3 years things just felt like home and the only regret I had was leaving again in such a rush.  Being home, there has always been a little sadness in my life that cannot be forgotten.   I guess with the craziness that surrounds me at home, at work and personally just makes me want to return to a place with more peace among the chaos.

Sorry all for the long delay in posting.  I will post some new material in the next few weeks.  Just decided to take a holiday and post on some newspapers blogs.  You can find me on the Globe posting in any section that peaks my interest.  Part of my handle is xoxo  ____ girl.  I am still here just been voicing out my mind on the newspaper blogs.  It’s interesting to see some people use my nickname on the comment sections but in the end, I will retain it.

http://www.globesports.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080707.wsptbert7/CommentStory/GlobeSportsHockey/columnists

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080710.wkenya0710/CommentStory/International/

FIXED FIXED FIXED FIXED FIXED FIXED FIXED FIXED FIXED FIXED

Sydney Crosby you can never enjoy the win of any game from now on.  I couldn’t believe my eyes.  How do you know pretty boy is set up to win?  He’s set up to win when the refs disallowed goals, call penatlities against the other team to give them a advantage. 

Here’s the silver platter Sidney, can’t you score?   Oh yeah I remember you only do the assists.  You’re a big phony and I can see it.  You’re injured or think you’re too good for game?  Are you trying to be like a David Beckman? 

You may have talent to get this far but unfortunately the team will only carry you so far before they drop you and leave you in the dust.  Talbot is the dark horse for the Pens and Gill will cost them the cup and Fleury should get an oscar for the best butt dive by the supporting Goalie in the playoffs.  Seriously, Kipper is a better goalie than Fleury and he’s been bulldozed over so many times that once in a while he’ll complain to the refs but he won’t fall and sell it. 

Since my team the Flames are not in the finals, I want the cup to stay in the West because the East is like the show, Gossip Girl, raunchy and undeserving preppy kids who feel they deserve it when actually it’s daddy big bucks paying off the refs to get you this far.

If the refs disallow another goal, I think the fans should cheer FIXED FIXED FIXED FIXED FIXED!

Do you remember the tv show the Brady Bunch and how Jan always complained about Marsha getting all the attention by saying “Marsha Marsha Marsha…”  In my eyes I feel like Jan compaining how Crosby from the Pens gets so much attention and the teamates who scoreed more or did more for the team get over shadowed.  It annoys me that he gets so much attention that makes me sick.  Crosby may be the new poster boy for the NHL but I would be the one that would rip it down because he is like Paris, doing a whole lot of nothing to get attention and not using his talents to score. 

I do not think the Pens have a chance to beating the Wings especially since they play different styles and in the last two weeks the Pens showed they didn’t want first in the East and settled for second and unfortunately that is what will happen in the Stanley Cup finals.  I can say one thing.  If you thought the refs didn’t know how to make a call you can bet that they will make it hard for Detroit to win every game as well.  There will be many calls like it’s not in because his butt was in the blue paint or boarding or something crazy to protect the poster boy.  I do not think the Pens deserve their postion at all and that it didn’t matter which Western team went to the final, the West would cause the march of the pens to the golf course instead of carrying the cup. 

Top Players I think will shine in the Eastern and Western Conference Finals.

Pavel Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterberg, Johan Franzen, Tomas Holmstrom for the Wings

Evgeni Malkin, Marian Hossa, Petr Sykora and Kris Letang for the Pens

The final 4 for the Stanley Cup who are my picks.  I would have to say my picks are the Flyers vs. Detroit.  I feel that both of these teams deserve it and do not have the attitude of I deserve it.  If the Penguins were so good then why didn’t they score to their hearts content?  Detroit kept playing and didn’t hold back.  They have the better team on paper with the four lines that can crank out each time shows the skill that team has developed over the season.

I will admit, I have never liked Crosby but I feel that he is a arrogant player that has the attitude I deserve my ice space and I will get it but diving or complaining like a little girl.  If Crosby is so great then why is the rest of the team working together to get the wins?  He hasn’t contributed to the win.  Every time they win they news casters go to Crosby or talk about his “leadership” but I’m thinking what they hell he didn’t do anything.  His a pretty boy or poster boy that is trying to make his name like a Paris Hilton in the hockey realm. 

I like how the Flyers met every match up and they are the team that has overcome challenge after challenge and have prove that they have earned their spot to the semifinals.  The wings just have the experience and players to get their way to the finals.  Their true test will be how Detroit handles Dallas.  

Top Players I think will shine in the Eastern and Western Conference Finals.

RJ Umberger, Mike Richards, Mike Knuble and Patrick Thoresen for the Flyers

Pavel Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterberg, Johan Franzen, Tomas Holmstrom for the Wings

Evgeni Malkin, Marian Hossa, Petr Sykora and Kris Letang for the Pens

Mike Riberio, Brad Richards, Beneden Morrow and Jere Lehtine or Sergei Zubov for the Stars

I’ve discovered another joy to life. Day Spa!!  I’ve always thought this isn’t me or it’s quite expensive but in the end the break down wasn’t too bad.  You only live once and why not?  I decided I wanted a road trip to get away and relax and my friend suggested going to the Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel, Willow Stream Spa.  I thought in the back of my mind are you crazy? 

But then again, I realized why not pamper yourself once in a while and since I really didn’t know what I was getting myself into I thought get the basic and consider possibilities.  After doing some last minute booking I was able to find some slots for me and my friend for the next day and just went for the basic to check out the services and facilities.  Note.  When you want to book time there, book ahead of time, especially when the summer season is coming because you don’t know how bad it will get.

Let’s just say, it wasn’t too bad and worth the 120 for the 30 head, neck shoulder massage alone.  Also, the spa has several mineral pools and steam rooms with unlimited access to the spa area from the time you check in to the time they close which I can’t complain and regret not bring a swimsuit to check out the pools.  Next time is something I will look forward to.

I would definitely recommend this place because it is established chain of spas that serve to pamper you and facility isn’t bad for the women’s side.  I had a great view of the mountains as I waited for my appointment and the people were very friendly especially if you let them know it’s your first time.  When I told my therapist that it was my first time ever being in a spa or massage treatment he said wow you’re going for the top.  I thought why not?  Set the bar high so that I know what to expect. 

Thank you for reading or browsing by.  It amazes me how people glance at my typings. Please leave comment s or suggestions of other things I should blog about. 

Sometimes when you watch tv you always think meh just watching it for entertainment value but then comes some series like Criminal Minds, at the end of every episode they have some quote to wrap things up.  It’s like the quotes on the Starbucks coffee cups.  The last episode had a simple yet powerful meaning. 

~ If we knew each other’s secrets, what comforts we will find…

Sometimes it is through our friends or family that can give you insight into things happening in your life.  Being able to talk to someone and not hide or fake it or put up a mask to hide your feelings and turmoil can help relieve the stress or dark cloud that hangs over your head. 

It’s funny how sometimes in life you just want to run away from all the bad or negativity in your life to a time or place that just has brought you smiles.  I realized how taking the day off from work I felt more like myself then for the last 9 months should tell me something but there are too many responsibilities to ignore

1.        My student loans.  More than half of my minimal payment goes towards the interest instead of the principal. Don’t get all happy when you receive one because paying it will hurt more than those late nights of studying or partying.

2.       Have a major holiday planned in the last 2 years.  Do I sacrifice my own mental needs to get my holiday paid for?  Or do I live off my tax return? 

3.       Mentally, what can I handle?  Now that I’ve cracked at work, it’s hard to stay in a place that makes you so unhappy.  I know my answer but my stubbornness refuses to let me quit.

Right now I’m in a fragile state where I don’t want to be at work but obligations keep there.   My trip won’t be for another 6 weeks and it will seem like an eternity of getting there.  It’s getting harder to see the positive that will come out of this situation. I can’t even talk about my work situation without cracking now.  I hate being a quitter but it looks like I will be again.

 It sucks knowing that a lot of people say it’s not so bad but until you have walked in my shoes and vice versa then those comments just add to my stress.  In my eyes, these are not words of comfort but instead of come on is it really that bad.  Let’s just say when you feel like you’re trapped in a box those words are just that words. 

I am trying to deal with the cards I am given this round and let’s just say my poker face is shot and folding looks ideal but your gut keeps telling you hang in there and take a chance.  In the end you have to take risk and chances in life.  Some will pay out and some will set you up for a better hand and that is what I am hoping for. 

Am I doing the jobs I graduated for?   No.  I want to practice my art but that ship has long sailed and let’s just say I’m content to move on until I reach a point in life where I don’t have to worry about my financial responsibilities. 

You just have to overcome the cards you are dealt with.  No one is a underdog.   The world is corrupt regardless to all the rules we place to protect and make things “fair” playing field.  I think to hold the Refs accountable the NHL should make them pay a fine if they make a mistake that tips the game one way or another.  Yes we are all human but if you want to ref during the Stanley Cup Playoffs you need to be held accountable regardless to the rule change. 

The refs choose to be in that situation and no team can feel good about any series because every series will have controversial calls and unfortunately, this has been occurring for a while and Calgary and their fans have never “gotten” over it since game 6 of the 03-04 run.  IT WAS in what happen, they denied us because our “market” is small the money is to be made in the states.  Well sooner or later people will stop watching when the calls take over the game and people care more about the refs then the game itself.

Like I’ve been saying it’s the minor calls in the attacking end of the favour team that will bring down the moral of the team.  I have lost some more respect with the “great” Sidney Crosby especially with the hoopla that surrounds him.  I think Crosby will choke and become a Lindros.  Every aspect surrounds him remind me of a Lindros.  I like the Pens but I can’t stand why he gets so much special treatment.   Someone needs to give lesson to realize, he isn’t the reason why they are in the playoffs, it what the team can do without him.  My pick would be the Rangers to regroup and take the series in about 6 games.  They have more experience and depth. 

Unfortunately Rangers remember round 1 with Calgary and San Jose.  San Jose were the favourites and look what the refs did to Calgary in game 2 when they won first game and the second was given to the sharks on platter in the second period.  I just can’t get into the series with stupid calls and how refs dictate the game.  Before I forget: THE ACADEMY AWARD FOR BEST ACTOR IN A SERIES GAME GOES TO SIDNEY CROSBY FOR GAME 1 IN THE SECOND ROUND.

Crosby be may be Canadian but really isn’t that great.